Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
