WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
