Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
