Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
