If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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