her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize