no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
