Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
