I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
