from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
