told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
