And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
