you didnt know i had herpes?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
