After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
