Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
