I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
