Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
