so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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