Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
