I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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