as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
