he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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