Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
