how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
