True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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