We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
