So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
