I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
