My liver just broke up with me...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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