I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
