How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
