Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
