tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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