Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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