I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
