Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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