Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
