Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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