Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
