I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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