Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
