Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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