i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
