I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
