Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
