I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
