Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
