i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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