i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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