I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
