i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
