I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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