i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
