Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
