Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize