He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
