I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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