tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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