Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
