I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
