True but thats because hes a fetus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
