I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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