Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
