I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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