Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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