i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
