i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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