We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
