the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
