I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its not stalking. its research.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
