ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
